EDGE

Instilling Courage in Young Children

By Mariel Lombardi

Have you ever been at a childcare center at the drop-off hour? You must have seen children crying as their parents leave. It is heart-breaking, but they gradually learn that parents DO return. We may have read or been told that playing peek- a-boo helps infants get used to the idea of parents vanishing and reappearing. We also know that being consistent with their routines, such as, feeding them, and putting them to sleep on time, as well as playing with them regularly helps children develop a sense of security. 


Deb Gebeke, from NDSU, says that “infants have three basic innate fears: of sudden motion, of loud or abrupt noises, and of sudden approach. Toddlers and preschoolers gradually outgrow these as they learn to interpret their environment and to develop a sense of trust.”1  As they grow older, they experience other kinds of fears, like being afraid of the dark, or scared of dogs — fears that parents and teachers have to respect, but help them overcome. It is very important then to be aware of the fears children usually experience at the different stages they go through in early childhood. Helping them to be confident will impact their entire life.

Nevertheless, fear is a necessary emotion for survival. When a child can recognize danger, fear can keep him safe, but there is a difference between being mindful and acting foolishly, or freezing when facing challenges. 

An online source, Teresa A. Morgan, Helping Your Child Build Courage That Will Increase Concentration, stated, “Courage is confidence, and confidence separates individuals who are successful from those people who settled for less in life. Confidence comes with experience, and it's something people acquire with skill and knowledge.” 2  Courage gives the strength to not submit to other people's opinions, and helps to be attracted to courageous people that will not be a stumbling block in the path to growth.

Many times, in the intent to spare children from suffering, parents overprotect them. They need to be gradually exposed to age-appropriate challenges in order to exercise their confidence. This is God’s teaching method. “The Lord frequently places us in difficult positions to stimulate us to greater exertion... God gives us lessons of trust. He would teach us where to look for help and strength in time of need…Faith grows strong in earnest conflict with doubt and fear,” Testimonies, vol. 4, pages 116, 117 (1876). Let children know that failure is not a catastrophic event, but rather a possibility from which to learn and improve. 

Sports also build a child’s confidence. It exposes him to challenge. John Leonard, from the American Swim- ming and Coaches Association, says that courage and strength are dependent upon the exercise of both qualities. “I thought about this as I watched a young mother literally carry a 7-year-old into the swimming pool, sit him on the side of the pool and tie his swim- suit for him, pat him on the back, smile at his instructor, and then go take a seat... How does this child gain any sense of self to experience the opportunity for challenge and response?” 

Having simple tasks appointed at home and in the classroom is another good way to build confidence and independence. 
 
More importantly, making small children notice every time God helps or protects them, builds their confidence. “Only the sense of God's presence can banish the fear that, for the timid child, would make life a burden. Let him fix in his memory the promise, ‘The angel of the Lord encampeth round about them that fear Him, and delivereth them,’" Education, page 25. There are so many stories in the Bible that are perfect examples of people that were fearful, but overcame that feeling with the assurance of God’s presence.

Affirming children, noticing their good qualities, will develop confidence. We do not even need to praise them; we encourage them just by saying “I noticed you did this….” 

“A basic behavioral principle is this: Children will repeat actions that get them attention from their parents. What this means is that we need to worry more about catching our children doing something right than doing something wrong,”3  says Rita Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D., and John Sommers-Flanagan, Ph.D, University of Montana.

After Jesus’ baptism, as He was to start his ministry on Earth, God gave Him courage by letting Him know His appreciation — “Then a voice came from Heaven, ‘You are My beloved Son, in Whom I am well pleased,’” Mark 1:11 — and Jesus had the courage to save the world!


Caption:
The Adventist EDGE is committed to providing a nurturing environment, giving the child the tools to be confident, based on a trust that is God-centered.

Citations:
1 Deb Gebeke, Assistant Director at NDSU Extension Service, St. Paul, Minneapolis. Industry: Higher Education. Family Science Specialist. Article: Children and Fear. HE-458 (Revised), November 1993. Reviewed and reprinted, April 1994. http://www.ag.ndsu.edu/pubs/yf/famsci/he458w.htm

2 Teresa A. Morgan, Helping Your Child Build Courage That Will Increase Concentration.  Published: December 16, 2008, by Enzine Articles, an online source.

3 Rita and John Sommers-Flanagan, counselor educators at the University of Montana. Article: Building Your Child’s Character: Challenges and Solutions, published online by the American School Counselor Association. http://www.schoolcounselor.org/content.asp?contentid=482